Monday, November 24, 2008

Christmas Came Early

How is it that Christmas arrived even early on Santa's sleigh this year?
People say that all the time, but never do i remember wanting fantastic, thick earplugs the week before Thanksgiving, just to drown out the incessant Christmas music everywhere I go.
I know a couple of you- eh hem- would listen to Christmas music weeks before Thanksgiving if I didn't constantly remind you how silly it is.
So for you, let this post be a countdown until Friday, the day you're allowed to listen to Christmas music and for the rest of you, who may be semi Grinchy when it comes to the crap they play all the time, let me remind you that you can engage in a Christmas drinking game: take a shot every time you hear a Christmas song you hate.
Here are my top five:

5. "Santa Baby"- Halloween is National Sluts Holiday- leave Christmas alone
4. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"- What jerk didn't walk their grandma home that night? And maybe if it didn't sound like a crappy country song, I could take it.
3. O, Christmas Tree"- only because no one ever knows the words, which is half the fun of singing!
2. "Batman Jingle Bells"- kid who created that when you should have been paying attention in school, originally you mocked an annoying Christmas song, but then your mocking became annoying.

Drum roll... (pardon the pun; it was intentional)

1. Little Drummer Boy- the movie sucks, the lyrics are annoying, everyone plays it like the world will explode if it's not played every three seconds and the "puh rump pumps" are like banging your head against a wall!

Maybe if we had Thanksgiving songs, Christmas ones would be less annoying. "O Pumpkin Pie" lyrics, anyone?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Jason is back!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, or probably just ladies.
Jason- or "daddy" as we affectionately called him from day one- is officially the new "Bachelor".
Let's all remember why we love him:
-He was way cuter than Jesse.
-Deanna didn't pick him, which made him the underdog, which makes us love him.
-He looked cute in a baseball hat.
-He lives in Seattle.
-His kid is way cuter than Deanna could have ever hoped to have with Jesse- awww, too bad they broke up. (Maddie so called that.)
-He totally became friends with Deanna first, which earned our trust- apparently not hers.
-Remember how sweet his family was? And how they all cried when he had to leave his son?
-His cheesy one liners and romantic idealism made us cringe, smile and squeal, all at the same time.
-There was something about him that caused us to say, "Deanna won't pick him, whore!" and "I hope they pick him for The Back next season!"
-Elle loved him on her show- instant winner, duh.
Well ladies, on January 5th, he's back and he doesn't have to wait for Deanna to choose the wrong guy. As Deb says, "let's hope he doesn't play any games."

I saw the first preview tonight, but can;t find it online. Anyway, click here to see more info and click here for the maybe sad, maybe entertaining video of Jesse telling us all about his broken heart.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Why the gym is more like a bar

In between Newsweekarticles at the gym, I realized that the gym is more like a bar.
I know, you're thinking they have nothing in common: one is a place to work off beer and the other is a place to drink it.
That's where you're wrong.
While the amount of alcohol consumed is significantly lower in a gym, so many other factors are shared.
For one, when I go to a bar, the ridiculously thick waft of perfume and cologne that shoots up my nostrils makes me wish that Tommy Hilfiger had gone into construction. Likewise, I almost died of suffocation today will running next to a lady sporting Prostitute Number 5.
Not enough of a similarity for you?
Do you ever notice that in a gym and in a bar the same creepy men are staring at every rack in the joint?
How about those dozens of people in the bar/gym who look more dressed for a magazine ad than a work-out or evening of drinks?
I personally love to catch those people who stand in the gym/bar and look for the perfect person to sit/work-out next to before committing to a location.
Think about the nosiy bar/gym goers...
Whether they're talking loudly so the girls at the corner booth can hear that they "really buffed up this week" or the dude is grunting in the corner of the gym after lifitng three times his body weight: show offs.
Both locations make you pay an insane amount of money to waste time and feel lousy about yourself when the girl with the raccoon eyes and balloon lips goes home with the number of the Matthew McConaughey's look alike.
Bars and gyms both play silly rave music hoping to entice people to remember that "THIS is the place to be!"
Finally, what gym and what bar doesn't make you think twice before going out in your boring jeans or crappy t-shirt because you never know who you'll run into?

One final note...
While at the gym, I saw Pres Bush on TV and although I drowned out his talking, he was making the weirdest faces. He squinted his eyes like models do. You know, "Smile seductively with your eyes", as Tyra always says.
Well, Mr. Pres, you did a pretty good job. I heard Tyra is planning on making a season of "ANTM: past presidents and old men" I'll be sure to give her your number.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Music and more

With the CMA awards on Wednesday, I thought I'd post three music videos that are tot fab. So, this post is more of a listening post, but in addition, let me tell you a little story...

I went to look at buying a dog from a shelter today, what an experience.
Deb (as my mom is affectionately called by some) and I drove out to Grass Valley- an hour from our house. We knew it would be in the boondocks, but I had no idea I would have a chance to cross four wheeling off my list of things to do before I die. Muddy water pothole after muddy water pothole, mom and I prayed that our drive would be worth it.
We get to the shelter and I'm SO excited to see my maybe dog. As I get to the counter to inquire abut Betty, or Bett I should say, the dude tells me that the lady behind me claimed her last week.
Then why did a lady e-mail me last night and a dude call me today telling me she was an orphan?
Immediately I subconsciously thought of all kinds of reasons to not like the lady who was stealing Bett, so mean, I know.
Mom and I decided to wait around to make sure the lady really had Betty because the shelter kept saying, "Betty? Do you mean Benji? She looks like Benji." A No she doesn't and B. the reason we have names is so we can call things by them not by the type of thing they look like.
As Betty came out, mom and I looked at each other in shock: she was huge. A small horse, exaggeration yes, but she was not a small terrier. So, we left without a make believe small dog named Bett or a giant dog named Betty.
Note to self: ask shelter people to measure a dog to ensure length.

(You'll DIE when you see this one, girls!)

(This one is not country, but what is music without him?)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Monday 2: Honk if you're Superstitious

Americans are full of weird traditions- don't let a black cat cross your path, dress your kid up and let them take candy from strangers, eat an entire bag of chips while watching the Super bowl, watch American idiots try to fall in love in 6 weeks get together, break up and post it all over the net. (Deanna and Jesse- the most recent failing of The Bach.)
In addition, there is a strange tradition of believing weird coincidences. One being the belief that when the Washington Redskins win a game, the Republicans take a victory in the next day's election. Maybe it's the red, maybe it's our crazy love for football or maybe it was some drunk ass who made this up, gave some person 100 bicks to spread it around and here we are believing that a football game determines the fate of our country. On the other hand, when have we ever take voting in this country seriously? Unless of course it's for American Idol.
To my point, the Redskins lost tonight, which would mean that if we follow the superstition, which is correct 94% of the time, Obama will win the election tomorrow. While I wouldn't mind, okay, okay, while I would MORE than not mind if this came true, it got me thinking about the ridiculous superstitions we believe. Whether or not you want to admit you are a loyal follower, we all do things because traditional superstition asked us to: find a penny?
To kick off the second Blog Post Monday, below are 10 of the silliest superstitions I've heard, followed or scooped up in cyberspace.

1. A loaf of bread should never be turned upside down when a slice is cut from it. WHY? Will I die Do I need to follow this with all food- chicken, a bag of chips, a bag of lettuce?

2. If the groom drops the wedding band in the ceremony, the marriage is toast. What happens if the bride drops it? Does she get to con him into never leaving her? Does the relationship end if the girl drops the engagement ring? Maybe that's what happened with Jesse and Deanna...

3. If your clothes are on backwards, do not flip them or you'll have bad luck all day. My grandma taught me this one and to this day, if I have a shirt on backwards, I have to change my whole outfit. Personally, I think it was some stupid kid's way of getting a good laugh.

4. Start a trip on a Friday and you'll have great misfortune. I'm sorry, can you change the work week then?!

5. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same match. Let's see, probably because a.) your finger will be burned to death and b.) if you're smoking that much you'll prob get canc.

6. Maddie this one is for you: Don't kill spiders; they're good luck. I'm blaming my bad career luck on ALL the damn spiders you've made me kill.

7. Don;t put combs or brushes on the bed or table. Hello??? Where should I out them?! Is that why all those afro people keep them in their hair?

8. Do not buy your husband shoes or he'll walk out of your life. HAHAHA So dumb, but you know I'll never want to buy my husb shoes someday. But, he better buy me some or we will be div.

9. I believe this one should be considered animal torture: To cure a cough take a hair from the sick person's head, put it between two slices of buttered bread, feed it to a dog, and say, "Eat well you hound, may you be sick and I be sound. What a jerk- how mean!!

10. This one is my personal fav only because we really do this in my house every year: on the New Year, do not let a red head be the first to enter your house or he/she will bring bad luck. What the hell did the Weasley family do???