Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Got Tears?

I am a weirdo.
A big freak.
Messed up like no other.
Yes, I am aware that many of you are nodding and saying, "Yeah, I know, why the sudden realization?"
I'll tell you.
Tonight was my last night taking yoga from my fav yoga teacher. There were only two of us in yoga class tonight (we teachers pets love that one on one attention!) and it was a great ending class.
Afterward, I waited until the other slow poke student left so I could offer my "thank yous" to the teacher. (In typical teacher pet fashion.)
As I thanked her for introducing me to yoga- oh, if only she read my blog!- and told her she was my fav teacher out of everyone, I thought I was going to start crying.
Don't worry, I didn't, but my voice was slightly shaky and if I had not said to myself, "Stop, stop, stop- what the hell are you about to cry for?" I probably would have. But, teachers pets do not like to look vulnerable, so I held it in.
Are you kidding me? I almost cried over my last yoga class????
Oh, it gets better. The reason I know something is wrong with me- as if that's not proof enough- is my lack of emotion over the goodbyes I've been sharing the past week.
As I start to bid "so long, I'll be back soon's" to my homies, I've been utterly unflappable. The past two goodbyes- I forgot to hug one of them and with both I acted like I would see them next week. And I'm pretty sure they both examined me like, "Man, she has no idea she's leaving in two weeks" or "Alright, guess she doesn't really care she won't see me for months."
Sure, but when it comes to a yoga teacher I've none for a month, I freak out and get emotional.
What a whack job.

Nota Bena- This post is not meant as a pathetic "junior high girl- 'OMG, I'm so fat!' attempt to receive mass comments saying, "You're not an emotional wreck", "You're wonderfully okay", "You're not pathetic, you're amazing!"


Claire said...

1. its a process and you're dealing with it the best way you know how. no reason to beat yourself up over it. plus, the fact that you're aware of whats going on just proves how smart you really are. it would be a whole nother story if you were completly unable to self-analyze. so...clap clap.

2. do what you need to do.

3. hilarious "just so you konw" comment underneath your new 'top' picture. love the dress.


debbie brown said...

Like I told you, your emotions need to come out somewhere, and this was a "safe" situation.

Hmmm, you wanted to cry when you left your yoga teacher and you wanted to cry when your mommy left you at college the first time. Does that mean I'm on the same level as the teacher who makes you sit on sweaty mats and get in weird positions? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Lauren said...

this is totally unrelated to this post (Which is not sappy but highly entertainly self deprecating which I am ALWAYS a fan of)... but I LOVE YOUR TOP PICTURE. It is SO PRETTY AND PERFECT. So there. it rules. :)